


Agency

by Ononymous



Series: Undertale Anniversary Requests 2018 [11]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Post-Undertale Neutral Route - King Mettaton Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-28 04:13:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16716413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ononymous/pseuds/Ononymous
Summary: Well this wouldn't do. The bedraggled-survivor-of-the-human-rampage look was just so...gauche. So Mettaton mercifully stepped up to give the Underground some of its colour back. And maybe a little more. A lot more, actually. Not everyone agreed with this policy, however. Not to worry, His Majesty had two fabulous men he could rely on...





	Agency

**Author's Note:**

> Original suggestion: Papyrus and Sans being badass Agent Smith typess in Mettaton's Neon-lit, consumerist Dystopia, storming resistance hubs and stopping assassination attempts, with sans just not caring and Papyrus being overexcited as usual and not really understanding how awful is what he is doing

"SANS, STRAIGHTEN YOUR TIE."

"sorry, bro."

The shorter skeleton obeyed as they rounded the corner of the neon pink street to arrive on the neon blue street. An electronic billboard flashed various poses of the King with various reminders of how great everything now was, interspersed with how even greater things could be if you bought Royally Sanctioned Merchandise from Licensed Retail Shops. The average monster might have squinted at how garish this part of New Home now looked. The sharply dressed skeletons couldn't.

"CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE SAID IT WAS ONE OF THESE SHOPS. WHICH ONE SHOULD WE GO FOR?"

"the closest one." He didn't look up from his phone.

"WHY?"

"'cuz it's closest."

Papyrus stomped his overpolished foot, and the overpolished shoe he was wearing too. "GET SERIOUS, SANS! IF WE TIP OUR HAND, THEY GET AWAY AND TRY TO SCARE EVERYONE AGAIN! THE KINGDOM DOESN'T NEED MORE FEAR AND INSTABILITY AFTER EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED."

"well," Sans swapped his phone out for a dossier from his jacket pocket, "owner of the closest one's an old time associate of ol' BP. no formal relationship, just witnesses puttin' 'em together a lot of the time."

"SEE?" Papyrus took out the standard sunglasses issued to agents. "WHY DO YOU NEVER TAKE THE TIME TO JUSTIFY YOUR REASONING?"

Sans was already wearing his own glasses. "means i'm decisive. ain't the boss lookin' for decisive agents?"

"YES, HE IS. GOOD THINKING! WE'LL HAVE THESE RAPSCALLIONS ROUNDED UP IN NO TIME."

"good. i'm goin' to grillby's when we clock off. last chance before he's forced to start sellin' glamburgers."

"YOU DON'T LIKE THEM?"

Sans shrugged. "eh, they're alright. just i'm such a messy eater i'd hate to be charged with _glitter_ ing."

With all the nonchalance which can be afforded to two skeletons in black suits, they strolled into the target.

"Like, welcome to Catty's Curios! What can I getcha fine gentlemen today?"

"a burger."

"Sorry sir, we, like, don't serve food here? There's totally a KingBurger™ over on Blook Avenue though."

"WE ARE HEALTH AND SAFETY INSPECTORS," Papyrus began reciting the cover story, "MIGHT WE ENSURE YOUR STORE ROOMS ARE PROPERLY STACKED TO AVOID INJURY FROM FALLING BOXES?"

"Oh. Well, sure, you skinny goofball! Just gotta finish counting the gold in the till and we can like-"

_PING._ Catty shimmered blue and crumpled to her knees. Sans leaned over the counter and examined what she'd been fumbling with.

"silent alarm. think she pressed it. _cat_ 's out of the bag."

"NYAH! I HATE WHEN THEY RESIST!"

Papyrus kicked the back door open, and raced up the stairs, Sans following behind him. The lankier skeleton then kicked a second door open, and was about to charge in when Sans pulled him back, just in time to avoid a barrage of magical bolts of various shapes and colours.

"WOWIE, A WHOLE RESISTANCE CELL! THE KING WILL APPRECIATE THIS!"

"Over our dust!" yelled one of the people in the room.

"'s the idea, buddy."

With the sound of an enormous turbine spinning up, two draconic skulls materialised into being, open maws aimed at the doorway, and fired blinding white light into the room. There were a few yells and screams, and more magical discharges, but they were quickly silenced. Even with everything died down, Sans kept a cautionary grip on his brother's jacket a little longer. 

"should be clear, pap."

Following his brother's following of him, Papyrus cautiously entered. Two piles of dust were by the window. A vulkin and a madjick were unconscious round a table. Aaron was rousing. With a quick flex, a shockwave shot towards Papyrus, but a really cool regular attack absorbed the bulk of it, though tearing the sleeve of his suit. 

"ARGH, I JUST WASHED THIS! AND ROYAL TAILORING ISN'T FREE!" 

With another _ping_ , Aaron was anchored to the floor, unable to fight back. His unconscious colleagues also shimmered blue, leaving them no opportunity to escape. 

"WE'VE CAPTURED AARON! THE MINISTER OF BODILY IMPROVEMENT WILL APPRECIATE OUR NEUTRALISING THE PRINCIPLE THREAT TO METTAGYM™." 

"Stupid- cheap- cardio- machines," struggled Aaron. "Bro, do they even lift?" 

"DON'T WORRY MY FRIEND, YOU'LL FEEL A LOT BETTER AFTER A STAY IN THE RE-EDUCATION CAMP. SANS, CHECK THE REST OF THIS FLOOR IN CASE BP IS STILL HERE. I'LL CALL THE GUARD." 

"'kay."

Sans obeyed with shuffling slippered steps. The next room was devoid of life, but had a lot of resistance pamphlets and a small stockpile of weapons. The final room was suspiciously normal, containing nothing but mundane and harmless and legal curios. 

"which," said Sans to nobody in particular, "is the _curios_ thing."

A particularly tacky statue of King Mettaton stood on a shelf. Too lazy to ignore a hunch, Sans yanked at it with his magic. There was a click, and the shelf swung open, revealing a staircase. With all the time in the world, he ascended. Just in time to dodge a shower of yellow spatulas. 

"heya."

"What's up, buddy?" 

"my bro'd probably say something like 'the jig'."

Sans looked at the prize. Brown fur looking unkempt, save a bald patch on his cheek where a mishmash of scars lay. More fur was covered by dirty bandages above his right eye. A large chunk missing from his left ear, though still twitching in unison with his intact right ear to listen for further danger. His unconcerned smile was missing a couple of teeth. a large knapsack was hoisted effortlessly over shoulders slightly broader than they had once been, ready for egress through a half-open secret door in the roof. Mostly glad in forest camouflage, not a single scrap of his torn and shredded clothing could be described as pink, though a defaced golden name tag was sill pinned to his chest, almost to mock the current regime. Despite the danger he was in, a cigarette was rooted to the edge of his mouth. The triangular nose twitched as he regarded the Agent of the Crown who had just apprehended him. 

"Seen you at MTT™ Resort in the old days," said Burgerpants, devoid of fear. "Figured you were smarter than this." 

"than what, pal?"

"Than buying into this system he's got going. I worked for him, I know how he is. 's how I avoided capture for so long. But turning everything into a place to hock more glitter? His stupid face everywhere? Come on, he's not 'restoring order' or 'keeping us safe' after that human came. He's taking the Underground and turning us into mindless zombies, to do nothing but buy his crap and sing his catchy tunes. Can't walk across a room unless he gets lauded for it. Or float for that matter. Yeah, I learned that dirty little secret of his. Figure our plan to sneak into the studios to spread the word is a bust now. Looks like I gotta wait to drop that bombshell." 

"they say timing's everything in showbiz."

"That they do, man. But yeah, you ain't a dope. You clearly see through all this. Why work for him?" 

"eh," Sans shrugged, "pays the bills. and keeps my brother out of trouble. gives him a hobby i know won't get on the wrong side of his glamourousness."

The tiny nose twitched in distaste. "Sell-out." 

"in a game of cops and robbers, pal? choose the cops." 

"So what happens now, buddy? You gonna deliver me to him so I can be dragged through the streets in a victory parade? Live pay-per-view where you phone in to vote on how I'm executed? He'll never get that satisfaction. I'll dust myself before I let you lay a hand on me." 

"nah." Sans scratched his butt. "get outta here, pal."

Burgerpants hadn't expected this, but was a master of concealing this long before he changed careers to Professional Revolutionary. "I'll still be fighting against your boss if you let me get away. Your mercy doesn't buy much here." 

"i know. but like i said, my brother's got a hobby. the game ends here, his shinyness sends us on other missions. missions my bro might not like. still too dangerous for him to start askin' questions. better we keep this up, capiche?"

Begrudging respect appeared on Burgerpants' face. "'kay, buddy. I'll bite. No free passes though. Either of you get in my way, you're dust." 

"i got a tip for you on that front."

"Oh?" 

"D o n ' t."

Burgerpants shuddered at the sound, but rallied. "Then stay outta my way. This is between me and him." 

"aight. see ya later."

The number two enemy to the Monster Kingdom - number one currently safe beyond the barrier - climbed through the secret door, which closed seamlessly behind him. The only evidence of anything amiss was the most vandalised picture of Mettaton Sans had found since starting this job, itself worth probation to a first offender. A neutral observer might have said Sans was deep in thought about something. In reality he was getting ready to take a nap. No such luck, however. 

"SANS? ARE WE ALL CLEAR?" 

He sighed quietly. "yup. comin', papyrus."

More conventional restraints bound the prisoners as Sans re-entered the first room. None of them made much movement. Nobody had touched the dust. 

"I'VE MADE SURE THE SHOPKEEPER WON'T FLEE EITHER. ANY LUCK?" 

"too late, bro. looks like he was here, but he musta slipped out when the alarm went off." 

"CURSES!" Papyrus led Aaron, still shimmering blue, out of the room, a growing commotion from outside the window indicating the Guard had arrived. "WE NEED TO BE MORE CAREFUL ABOUT THIS, SANS, OR WE'LL ALWAYS BE CHASING HIM, AND MONSTERS WON'T BE WHAT THE KING NEEDS THEM TO BE FOR THEIR OWN GOOD!" 

"yeah," muttered Sans, picking up the madjick to follow, "shame about that."

**Author's Note:**

> Pastebin Version: https://pastebin.com/2NMmezzD
> 
> Let me know what you think, and thanks for reading!


End file.
